Confidence - I'm certain I don't have any!

Since I was a child I've wanted to be a writer.

For over thirty years I've also been a photographer.

These have been constants through my life.

And yet...

I have never believed - truly believed - that I am any good at either of them.

It's a very strange situation as I'm someone who has always been able to do anything that they wish to do. I was in all the top classes at school, my IQ is extremely high, I learn things very quickly and I'm generally confident in myself.

But for some reason, I doubt myself in two of my favourite past-times. Why?

My wife, friends and even academics have praised my writing. People have bought my photography and booked me for their weddings. My current employer uses my photos in their PR work.

Surely this should convince me I can do these to a good standard?

As a child I knew I was good at anything I chose to do. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to me and I didn't always understand why some of my friends would struggle. As I grew older, life began to wear away my self belief, but I was still capable of rising to the top in most situations.

I now suffer from depression, and have done for some years, which causes very low days. My camera is often a source of great help on such days. Recently I was very low. My wife took me out with my camera and I spent hours taking photos of everything in sight. By the time we came home, my spirits were high.

I would love to believe that something which gives me such enjoyment (and therapy) is also something I can claim to be genuinely good at, but I still doubt my abilities (as with writing).

I guess this is a situation I will have to learn to live with and not allow my self doubts to undermine the two skills(?) that I may possess and certainly enjoy practising.