What the hell?

I have just discovered something that I find more than a little worrying.

Today, I brought up my Blogger stats page and noticed the traffic appears to come primarily from one address (see below) -

 
 This is not somewhere I'm familiar with, so I clicked on it (more out of curiousity as to how they knew about me to redirect traffic) and was shocked to discover I was on a site filled with pornographic images.

I would hate anyone reading my blog to think I was in any linked with this site. My blog is all about the ramblings of a would be writer/photographer and in no way would I wish to be associated with this other site.

I am worried that it is either a virus in Blogger (I've certainly never put my blog up for any forwarding sites) or someone has created a link between my blog and this site. Either way, I will be keeping a careful eye on any other 'forwarding sites' appearing in my Traffic report, but I certainly won't casually open them again.

I would definitely recommend caution if you see any unknown sites in your own reports.

Neil

Get back to that keyboard

Well, it's been a while since I wrote a proper blog (no developments on the attempt to earn from it as yet) and I thought it was time to start up again.

The last few months have been a little difficult - my depression makes it hard to find the enthusiasm to do anything - and as a result my writing has stopped completely. 

It's a bit of a vicious cycle as I feel even more down when I stare at the screen and can't even write a simple piece.

Anyway, my wife has finally convinced me to pick up one of the many part written/half conceived stories and have a serious go at finishing it off. 

At the same time I'm also looking into putting together a few of my short stories and creating a Kindle book. If nothing else, it will keep me occupied and might even be enjoyed by at least one person...

The hardest part for me now is deciding which story I feel most comfortable in trying to develop into a book. They say you should write what you know which has reduced it to two choices. I love sci-fi, so that offers one of my routes, but I have started a book with hints of self biography (only in so much as the main character has led a similar life, but without all the cock-ups) and a list of characters drawn from real life.

To be honest, the sci-fi feels a bit of a shambles (different parts seem to be different books) so I suspect I will be writing option 2.

I'm going to try to blog as much as possible, as well as work on the book every day. Maybe the last few months will prove to be the push I needed to actually finish writing at least one book.

Thanks for visiting

Neil

Lost in a plot maze

A little while ago I began writing a short story. It was pretty much fully formed in my mind and just needed committing to paper.

I wrote the first few pages in one sitting and took a break which turned into several weeks. Today I returned to try and complete it.

Somehow I seem to have found myself in a maze. I don't know how I got to the point I'm at, nor how to get out of it. I seem to have the options of continuing and hoping it works out or abandoning it altogether.

What do I do?

The annoying part of this is the fact I know what should be happening, but the story won't listen. It seems to want to ramble along in a, seemingly, endless fashion.

I think I'm going to have to revisit on a different day and try to wield a sharp pair of editing scissors. In the meantime I'll desperately try and do some work on my, currently neglected, novel. Back to paid work next week, so I need to get some writing done while I have the chance.

Have a good weekend

I wish I could remember what I wanted to tell you...

When I first start writing a new piece of work I am full of enthusiasm and cannot wait to commit the words to paper (or hard drive these days!). Unfortunately, that enthusiasm falls quickly away to be replaced by apathy. I struggle to make the effort to write – I often begin to consider the next piece instead – and frequently end up with a half written piece that I return to now and again without ever developing.

Recently, the same thing has happened to this blog. Where once I wrote daily, I now write once or twice a week.

The difference is more to do with the content. I'm never sure what to write about when I sit down at the computer. Sometimes inspiration strikes and the words fly from my fingers. Other times I mentally wander around looking for the germ of an idea. As the blog is entirely voluntary, I just leave it if nothing comes to mind. It's a good job I don't have a paid daily column, isn't it?

It's not even the fact I can't always think of anything to say. I often write whole chapters/blog posts in my mind as I go about my day. The problem seems to be reforming them when I have the opportunity to write.

I wonder if I just have a bad memory or whether it's more to do with a quality filter. Perhaps my 'brilliant' concepts are evaluated by the mental review committee and found to be lacking in quality. The decision is made to delete the file rather than clutter up my mind with rubbish.

It would be nice to imagine this is the case rather than an inability to remember my own thoughts...

No redemption for my bad guys...

I was watching a Bond film this weekend when I was reminded of a pet hate in modern film – the redemption of the 'bad guy'.
In this particular film, the murderous henchman 'Jaws' helps Bond escape because he (Jaws) has found a young love. Instantly all his murders are forgiven and we are assured by Bond "He'll be fine." For the entire film he has been a murderer, but now he's a good guy???
This particular habit has been seen for years in modern films. Darth Vader is redeemed at the end of Return of the Jedi when he decides not to assist in the murder of his son. By the end of the film he is seen in ghost form, waving and smiling. It would appear his one act of mercy redeems him from the millions of deaths he has caused. I'm sure the many victims would say "Oh, okay. He didn't kill his son, he must be a good guy now..."
Why does Hollywood feel the need to 'save' the truly evil character in such a way? I'm sure we could all name dozens of films where an apparently evil person suddenly becomes a good guy moments before their death. Is this the modern version of the religious fiction involving death bed salvation?
I find this particularly ridiculous when you consider the real world. Nazi concentration camp guards are, quite rightly, arrested and convicted sixty years after the event. No-one would say they should be forgiven as they've been well behaved ever since. They committed atrocities and will die with that around their necks.
I am not religious and believe in neither Heaven nor Hell, I believe your punishment should be to live (or die) with the cost of your life actions on your conscience. I do not agree with the concept of forgiveness for showing contrition. When was that punishment for the taking of innocent lives? If Bin Laden was found working in an orphanage, having foresworn violence, would he have been forgiven? Of course not.
Hitler was apparently kind to children and his dogs. He was still a mass murderer and deserving of eternal condemnation by history.
Let's remember one or two acts of kindness are not enough to redeem an evil person, even in fiction. They are usually self-serving acts anyway. The killer who lets a person live is normally indulging a whim. Nothing more.
I certainly hope to make my characters, good and bad, more complex than the two dimensional white hat/black hat convention, but I will also remember evil is always evil at heart. There will be no last minute salvation for my bad guys.

Adventures of a traffic cone...

My novel is struggling for life at present – both in terms of 'coming to life' and in awaiting my decision whether to continue with it.

I am loathe to throw it on the unfinished, unloved and unwanted pile, but I can't get past the giant roadblock I seem to have thrown up.

As a result, I've decided to concentrate some of my energies on a character I invented whilst stuck in a jam on the motorway.

As we sat in the traffic, I made up a short story which took life as I told it. Colin the Cone was born.

Returning home I drew some (fairly crude) cartoons to illustrate parts of the tale and, before I knew it, he had his own website. www.colinthecone.co.uk

The site and the stories are still being developed, but I'm quite pleased with it so far. The illustrations are possible going to transfer onto some t-shirts - with the hope of sales – and I'm looking at a possible short book of stories/illustrations. Some of the images/jokes are quite adult although there is a more family friendly set as well.

Please feel free to visit the site and leave any comments, either via the site e-mail or this blog.

Writing for therapy?

Some years ago I was having a very difficult time in my life.

I was, quite honestly, falling apart. I was drinking to excess, experiencing panic attacks and severe mood swings. Friends and family begged me to seek help, but I refused to do so.

Like many men, I considered mental health issues to be a sign of weakness. I didn't need help, I could cope...

Until one day, I finally admitted to myself I was in trouble.

I was at university at the time and, after a number of false starts, went to see the counselling services. The counsellor was exactly what I needed – she listened, made suggestions and provided a 'safe' place. My six sessions became several months as she assessed me as suffering severe depression.

Along the way, she convinced me to seek medical assistance and I visited my GP. Unfortunately, not all GPs regard depression as worthy of their time. My GP prescribed a course of Seroxat and sent me on my way. The drugs left me numb and served only to cut me off from the world even more. Eventually I chose to stop taking them and experienced a few weeks of side effects.

After the best part of a year I felt much better – able to deal with life again.

What nobody told me is the fact depression can return.

Last year I was diagnosed as suffering from moderate depression after an extended period of high stress. My GP is a far more understanding person than the previous one, which meant he listened to my concerns and prescribed a suitable medication. He also informed me I may need a very long term prescription to help me remained 'balanced' chemically. This was not exactly good news, but the truth is I am much more relaxed than I've been in years.

Which brings me to...

I have written since childhood but lost the habit a few years ago. Since I have had time on my hands I have returned to writing on a daily basis (although as we all know, that's not always easy!), even if it's only this blog.

I have read that writing can be therapeutic and I must agree. I had forgotten how good it feels to complete some work and read it back with the satisfied feeling of having created something. My wife encourages my writing as she can see the therapeutic value, as well as the (extremely optimistic) hope it may develop into something more.

Many blog writers seem to have personal difficulties - or just stressful lives – and I believe many of us gain great benefits from our daily outputs. I know I certainly enjoy both the reading of other blogs and the writing of this one.

Perhaps the GPs should add this to their list of therapies?

What a great week...

...it's been.

The weather has been amazing – especially considering we've had a Bank Holiday!

My wife and I have been out and about every day since last Thursday. When was the last unbroken run of sunshine we've seen on a Bank Holiday weekend? I found myself say on a crowded beach on Thursday in temperatures warmer than the Med. The weather is truly crazy!

It has been wonderful to see the number of families out and about this weekend. I have spent a couple of days in my role as giant toy for my nephew and niece and, as someone who rarely steps into the world of children, it has been interesting to see the large amount of families playing together over the holiday weekend. It's very different from my memories of childhood where we seemed to spend most of our time amusing ourselves.

Yesterday we walked to the Barbican for a late afternoon drink (we earned it by walking a couple of miles of the Plym Valley trail in the early afternoon) and sat by the harbour with a cold beer on a hot afternoon. The perfect end to a long weekend that has felt like a holiday abroad. Sun and beautiful surroundings shared with family and friends – can it get better?

On the downside, all this sunshine means I've neglected my writing. I managed a few hundred words when we were preparing to go out, but I need to force myself to sit and work. Unfortunately, I love the good weather and need to learn some self discipline...

Why can’t I write?

I seem to have run into a brick wall this week.

My novel is at a standstill, a couple of short stories I've been working on are just sitting there and daring me to try to move them and I've even struggled to blog this week.

What's happened to all my momentum???

I'd like to blame my cold, but that's never stopped me before. I usually find it useful to take my mind off of things by writing, so I can't blame distractions.

The beautiful weather is not a particularly good incentive to stay indoors, but I have a laptop I can use in the garden. So no use blaming the sunshine...

Last week I had the news about my piece being published which should have been a boost to my writing but wasn't.

I have suffered from depression on and off for some years and have always found writing to be quite therapeutic. Perhaps that is my problem. I'm fairly at peace with myself at present (which is quite surprising, to be honest) and maybe my mind is holding on to all the 'good' writing until I need it again?

Whatever the reason, it has provided an opportunity to catch up on my reading (those who can, etc...) and revisit one or two old favourites. I just wish I was producing my own stories, rather than reading someone else's.

Perhaps I'll try a few flash fiction stories – they might be written before inspiration deserts me...

Stuck firmly in the bog of self doubt...

Well, it's been more than a week since I last wrote a single word of my novel.

I was feeling pretty happy about it until I had a wander around Waterstones; I suddenly found myself faced with the truth – my story has no originality, nor is it what I wanted to write. I seem to have lost my way somewhere along the road.

Result? I keep staring at the screen and wondering what went wrong. The story excited me when I came up with it, I had confidence it would be a good read (I'm honest enough to know it wasn't ever going to be a classic) and feedback I received was positive.

Then I walked into a shop full of books and realised I could find versions of my story all over the place.

I've been writing my blog and mentally writing a short ghost story while the rest of my mind is left to its own devices in the hope it will come up with a solution (I like to leave my mind to do the work!), but at present the novel is firmly bogged down.

I suspect I have two options; either throw it in the 'never mind pile' and forget it or keep writing and see where it takes me. As I have committed all my energy to this project I should probably keep going and see whether it improves. If not, at least I'm writing and learning.

Of course, this might just be a case of self doubt undermining me. Perhaps I'm writing the next big thing (if only...).

A Writer? No, not me!

I've just read a blog which discussed the type of person who claims to be a writer. The blog stated there are two types; the person who tells everyone they are a writer in order to impress people and the person who just gets on and writes.

I must admit I am definitely not in the first category. I never tell anyone that I write (most people are aware I am a photographer) – in fact I find it a little embarrassing when someone finds out. I'm quick to point out I've never been published and am unlikely to ever be so.

However, I might have less choice in the matter this September, as I've been offered a place in the second year of a BA in Creative Writing. I can hardly deny being a writer whist undertaking this programme, can I?

This leads me to my next question. At what point do you say you are a writer and actually have credibility?

In my opinion, anyone who writes for the sake of writing, good or bad, is a writer. In the same way as anyone else who pursues an interest can call themselves a painter, footballer, etc, if you write you are a writer.

The difference for some of us is a desire to send our babies out into the world to see if they can survive on their own. The reality is not good. For every one successful writer there are thousands of recipients of reject slips.

The truth of the matter is simple – we write because we love it and we dream that others will love our work as much as we do. I believe anyone who writes because they have no choice in the matter (from desire, not coercion) can, and must, call themselves a writer.

When I join the BA in September I will be surrounded by much younger students who will undoubtedly be more than prepared to use the 'W' word to describe themselves. Hopefully, by then, I will have the courage to do the same.

Why I want to write like...

At the end of last year, the Writers Bureau magazine Chapter & Verse asked readers to submit a piece entitled 'Why I want to write like...'. Time and other commitments meant I missed the deadline (I managed the next one and was included in the magazine!) and didn't submit my piece. So, I thought I'd share it with you today.

Why I want to write like – Stephen King...

He may not be shortlisted for the big literary prizes, but Stephen King is my choice for one reason – he is extremely good at doing his job. I don’t pick up a Stephen King expecting important literature, I expect an enjoyable read. He has never let me down and I feel this is the single most important aspect of the writer and reader relationship. 

When you read a King book you know you will become immersed in the lives of his characters. He may not be the greatest living writer, but his books are truly absorbing, with real people that you care about. I would love to be able to create characters and places with such strong and believable histories. For me, a writer who can create such magic and provide entertainment for so many people around the world is surely a better writer (in terms of writing something people actually want to read and will enjoy) than any of the high brow literary greats whose work only appeals to the few.

Stephen King is a writer without a conscience. I don’t mean he’s an evil sociopath; just that he is willing to kill off anyone to improve the story. Most of us labour to create a believable, rounded character and then do our best to protect them through the story. Mr King breathes life into a character just to snuff it out again. This has the effect of always leaving you unsure how the story will come out – there’s no guarantee the hero will even survive the adventure. How many of us are brave enough to kill off strong, believable characters so casually?

I don’t wish to write horror; I would just like to write with even a portion of the talent of King when it comes to developing characters and situations that hold the readers interest until they turn the last page. I have often finished a King book with regret that I am leaving his world. I can think of no better compliment to a writer and can only dream of ever writing even one story with such power.

I enjoy reading a wide range of books in a number of genres, but I have rarely found any writer who can weave such a powerful spell around the reader. Stephen King, at his best, is the greatest example of a truly skilful storyteller. Any aspiring writer could certainly do far worse than aspire to reach such a level of writing (in my opinion...).

How much are you offering? Nothing? Okay!

I've just spent the last hour or so looking at ads for 'writers wanted'.

I cannot believe how many of these businesses state they "do not offer payment but you can see your work in print". What other line of work expects professional standards for free?

I am frankly amazed that anyone is foolish enough to provide these businesses with their hard work in return for a name check. Would you go to the office for free if your boss promised to put your name on the door? Of course not, so why do it as a writer?


We write because we love it, but that doesn't mean we should be taken advantage of by these people. Everything we write has taken time and effort and this should be recognised.


I know we are told you need to build a portfolio of published works before we can start negotiating fees but I just feel this is a perfect example of an industry taking advantage. If my work is good enough to be published in a 'proper' forum then it is good enough to be paid for. 


I'm not talking about an in-house student mag like Chapter & Verse - that's something you expect to make a contribution to without expectation of pay - but publications that pay everyone else who works for them. Because, let's be honest, that is what you have done - worked for them!

I recently saw a post on the Student forum where someone had a couple of articles accepted without pay because the budget was spent. How did they intend publishing the magazine without a budget to pay for articles? I very much doubt this was actually the case; they probably saw an opportunity to save a few quid and take advantage of our desire to get in print. 

Perhaps we should contact the magazine and ask for free copies as our budget for magazines has been spent. Do you think they'd say "Oh, of course!". No, nor do I.....

To write, or not to write?

I woke up this morning with the desire to write a new story. All well and good I hear you say - isn't that what people on the WB course are supposed to do?

Yes, but......

I seem to wake up most mornings (or in the middle of the night) with the opening chapter of a story already writing itself in my mind. Unfortunately, I seem to 'run out of steam' soon after committing this to the PC memory. I have a collection of opening pages, but no proper work in progress.

I find myself wondering what the point of writing (or typing) the story out is when I know it probably won't get finished.

My WB assignments are no problem as far as writing them goes; my problem is in finding the markets required. As someone who doesn't read many magazines and who is a little too old for the 'lad mags' I'm struggling to find magazines to write for. Without wishing to sound sexist, I think it's a lot easier for woman as they have a much wider range of magazines to work with (many aimed specifically at women in various stages of life).

The assignments I've had back have all been very positive and I received a confidence boost when the Chapter & Verse published my short article in the latest edition. the question is - am I a writer or a dabbler? The inability to complete any of my longer stories leaves me to wonder whether I just enjoy the act of writing more than the completion of the story....

As a child I wrote constantly - I was always scribbling stories for my brothers and sisters. In fact, a small bear became such a big part of our childhood that he re-appeared in a series of letters to my sister when she was ill in hospital during her pregnancy. That was twenty years ago and she still has those letters. The pleasure she still derives from producing those letters makes me believe I can create something with a broader appeal - I am just unsure of my ability to complete the task. My wife informs me it is nothing more than lack of self belief that stops me from completing these stories. She may be right. After all, until they're finished no-one can read them and tell me I can't write....

I'm going to sit down this afternoon and see if I can move forward on one of my stories - my wife wants to know what happens next - and so do I!